Food for the Obese is Like an Abusive Lover
Fast weight loss is every obese person's dream diet, but when I introduce my new clients to my proven plan they panic when I tell them they must eat to succeed. This is something I actually understand. When I weighed 256 pounds and was so depressed I was worried for my safety, I found a naturopath who would run the blood tests I wanted to see if my liver was to blame. After giving her my medical and dieting history and explaining why I felt it was my liver causing the problems she agreed to let me do things my way. I thought I had convinced her. Nine months later when I had lost 136 pounds and returned for the final blood work that would prove my liver theory, she shared with me her first impression. She had written in her notes: "Patient views food as poison."
She was right. After helping so many other obese women, I have realized I was not alone. For many of us food is our greatest nemesis. We love it, but hate it. Actually, we fear it more. Even as a child I never ate any food, including good foods like apples, without guilt or fear of being judged. Many of my clients say the same thing, yet the number one reason the obese quit diets is that they just want to eat like a normal person.
The problem is that for those of us who have grown up with obesity the idea of how to eat like a normal person is outside our realm of understanding . We only know two modes of eating: dieting and overeating. The only time we seem to be able to control our eating is when on a structured diet, but that structure soon becomes a prison and we run to our other method of nutrition, the one that keeps us obese. Food has just never worked for us.
One of the first things that becomes very clear when new obese clients start my program, and what they actually all voice is: "I don't know how to eat like a regular person." When I tell them I want them to eat 1800 calories their first two weeks to find out what their true maintenance diet will look like, their eyes pop, their voices quake, and they stammer: "1800 calories, that is insane. I will gain weight." It takes me a while to convince them otherwise.
The first week is always full of panic. Their menus are made up of foods and quantities they have picked up from dieting their whole lives. A lot of it is food they don't care for and would never eat if they weren't on a diet. When I tell them to eat more, to try something new they balk. "No, no, I will lose control. I can't do it." In truth, that is exactly what I want them to do. It is only after examining what puts them out of control, that I can help them bring things back to the middle and find a satisfying solution that will allow them to take responsibility for their daily food intake.
No one person is like the next, so no one diet is perfect for everyone. Each person must find the foods that appeal to them without causing them to overeat. Eating foods that are meant for dieters doesn't work for the obese, but it is all we know. Knowing when and how much to eat is not something left to the diet gurus to tell us, but for us to determine based on what works best for us. This is the only way to lose the weight and maintain it for life. Yet few have the courage to believe it.
That fear of eating that has been hammered into us all these years has to be tackled. The only way to do that is to eat. Sounds simple enough, but in my experience I have found it is harder to get people to eat then it is to get them to diet. Why? Because all we know is deprivation or guilt.
When I start a new client on this program, their first week proves how true the above statement is. They eat tentatively. The foods tend to come from their dieting history, the amounts minimal. I pick out these dieting foods and ask why they chose to eat them. Their answer is surprising. Not only was the food not satisfying, but oftentimes they ate food they didn't like because that is what their dieting brain told them was the only acceptable choice. Now, there are diets out there on the market that promote lots of eating choices. They work for some, but the problem is they are small amounts for the calories, and most obese men and women need bigger servings, and when they eat higher fat, sugar, or salted foods, cravings dictate that one serving is never enough. That creates more fear of food, and that fear limits viable choices in their idea of what they can and cannot eat for weight loss. I make it clear, I do not want to see those diet foods in their menu again. Panic ensues.
Making that switch is not easy. It takes me a while to calm their nerves and get them to trust the process. Once they do, they are surprised by the types of foods they can have in their lives and that yes, even with 1800 calories a day they can maintain their weight while feeling satisfied and full. But still that nagging thought that they are cheating, that they are breaking the dieting rules persist. Even when they are experiencing fast weight loss.
It is this fear of food, this fear of not being able to stick to a diet, this fear that food controls us and not the other way around that keeps the obese obese. Food is neither enemy nor lover. It needs to become a partner in the obese person's quest for health and well-being.
About the Author:
Carlene Jones is a Fast Weight Loss Coach for the Obese. She has been helping obese clients lose weight since 2005. Last year her clients lost over 2000 lbs. In her workbook Fat Brain Lies Lies she helps the obese come to terms with their relationship to food so they can build a livable unique diet to take them to their goals and keep the weight off for life.
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